21st Birthday Party Invitation

To My Banneker Bros,

On Friday April 10, 2014 from 10pm-4am I will be throwing a party at Studio 10 club for my birthday. This will be my 21st birthday so you know I everything has to be on fleek. This party will be poppin’ with Reggae and a special guest performance by Nicki Minaj and Drake.

The location will be at Studio 10 club which is not too far from our high school. Food and drinks will be available all night. The entrance fee is $5 at the door all night. To avoid this $5 fee bring this signed invitation with you.

Please do not come to this party with alcohol or marijuana. We all want to have a good time and bringing those things will cause my party to be shut down. However, you are more than welcome to come to the party tipsy or high for more fun.

My party will be decorated in black and gold to mimic our school colors. The dress code for the party will be the same: black and gold of some form. You must also wear Jordan 11’s. This is why the people who can’t afford these brands will not be at the party. They won’t be in dress code either way. And yes, your Jordans will be inspected for authenticity at the door! You will be turned away for fake Jordans.

To determine whether you are invited to this party or not, ask yourself these questions: are you on a sports team? Are you a cheerleader? Can you afford the hottest brand names and keep up with the newest trends? Are you a leader of a club? Are you related to anyone who can answer yes to any of these questions? No? Then you are not invited. I don’t need anyone cramming the style of the party.

The party will end with the song “We Are Young.” Once you hear this song please leave the building….unless you plan to stick around to help the clean up crew. Make sure you have a ride home. This party is going to be lit with the coolest crew. Can’t dance? Are you a wallflower? Please feel free to stay home.

DM, TEXT OR INBOX ME TO RSVP ASAP!

TO ALL NASSAU COUNTY DRIVERS!

December 8, 2014

Dear Nassau County Drivers,

Driving is already a pain in the ass for me. Driving to school takes an hour and going back home takes the same amount of time. That’s 2 hours out of my day that I have to spend driving with you idiots on the road! Especially those of you who live in Nassau County! Driving become a frustration when I have to drive with any of you. When I am driving, I am focused on the road and my radio. But when you I cross over from NYC to Nassau County I have to change the type of music I am listening to in order to keep me alert enough to avoid the accidents you cause.

The first type of Nassau drivers that I hate are the elderly drivers. I am a firm believer that after a certain age (65 when your Medicare Benefits kick-in) you should be retested to prove that you are still able to drive, be alert and keep up with the flow of traffic. If you are not able to do those things then you should have your license revoked and you can hop on the Access-A-Ride Bus. Why? Because driving UNDER THE SPEED LIMIT when people have places to go and people to see in a strict time frame holds everyone up.

The next type of Nassau drivers that really annoy me is the young college students whose rich parents bought them a Ferrari. For what reason did you, as parents, buy your non-experienced driver a Ferrari? I understand that you want them to have a good life and be cool, but did it ever cross your mind that MAYBE you are giving your child a lethal weapon that could kill him and other people on the road? These types of drivers are the drivers that are speeding through traffic (60 miles per hour is consider street racing in NYS) and cutting off people. Now while that does not substantially affect me, it does cause other drivers to panic and slow their vehicle ONCE AGAIN SLOWING ME DOWN! In case you have not realized I do not like to be slowed down. Not only that, but if I try to change lanes you speed up so that I can’t get over. HOW RUDE!

The final type of Nassau drivers that are those drivers that have bought large expensive cars (Cadillac Escalades seems to be popular). There are certain people that should not drive certain cars and Nassau drivers are the people who should not drive large cars. Why? Because you were not trained to drive a large car. It takes 6 months to truly learn to drive a large car. You have to understand the new width and length you are driving, how large the engine is, the new weight of the car you are driving and how to properly accelerate. So you people who are just now getting a large car are perhaps the MOST ANNOYING.

You drive at a slower pace because when it is time to stop the weight of the engine and the car as well as the speed of the car will cause you to continue to move forward and you do want to risk a ticket for failing to stop at a red light. Not only that, but when you notice you are going too fast you constantly ride the break confusing other drivers about what you will do next. Because you are so focused on learning how to drive this large car you often forget to signal and look in your mirrors. YOU WILL BE THE PEOPLE THAT WILL CAUSE AN ACCIDENT.

As you “non-driving chickens,” as my mother calls you, read this P.S.A. you are wondering why I am so angry. I am angry because my father gave me his most prized possession: his GMC Denali (yes a big car that I drive quite well as I have been trained well). It took a lot of convincing and proof that I would not destroy his second wife in a car accident. My father cringes at the sight of light dents from pebbles and light scratches on the body of the car. He is looking for any and every reason to tell me that I can no longer drive the car. So please for my sake, my life and yours please please please be more polite, courteous and conscientious of the other drivers on the road who just want to get from point A to B safely. If you fail to do so, when they develop a “hammer-and-spatula” car attachment I will be buying and installing one to smash your vehicle and scrap you to the side of the road.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!!